Sometimes people look at you sideways when you talk to yourself.
But self-talk plays an important role in our
development as people.
To improve your resilience,
manage your self-talk.
The stories we tell ourselves are powerful, and positive self-talk can help change your narrative about failure from a disaster to something to bounce back and learn from.
When you’re faced with a setback (something that requires resilience to “bounce back” from), reframe the way you talk to yourself about it.
Use milder language. Using a milder word can soften the blow to your self-esteem that failure brings and help you bounce back quicker.
For example, instead of saying “That was a disaster,” say “That was a challenge.”
You could also change negative statements to neutral or positive statements. Challenge your assumptions about what just happened. Are you sure it’s bad?
For example, if a project is cancelled, instead of saying “That was a waste of time,” you can say
“I now have more time to work on other things.”
Finally, you can coach yourself.
When faced with a tough situation, say things like “This will be tough, but I can get through it,” or “Let’s focus on what I can control.”
Time for a quiz.
Brent, a mechanic, can’t figure out what is wrong with a sports car he is working on. He says to himself, “This is ridiculous, what am I doing wrong?” What should he say to himself instead?
Quiz 1 of 1
What should Brent say to himself instead?
a
“This isn’t my fault. The customer is the one who broke the car.”
b
“Get it together, Brent. You need to fix this.”
c
“This is a challenge, but I can figure it out.”
d
“I can’t figure this out. I should get some help.”
Answer C: “This is a challenge, but I can figure it out.”
This self-talk reframes the task from “ridiculous” to “a challenge.” It also has a bit of self-coaching!
NEXT TIME:
Next time you hear yourself engaging in negative self-talk, try reframing it or giving yourself some words of coaching.